Iwillkillyourdollz.

Dilemma
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
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Lately.... I've been thinking. What am I supposed to do in life? Planning out your future can be even much harder than I thought. There's so many options. Consequences. Thinking about it, having second thoughts, doubts. It's just so frustrating. What if this doesn't work? What if i don't do well in this? What if I fail in this? Those questions always come into my mind. Trust me, if there would be anything in this world I could ask for I would want to know what decision am I supposed to pick which is the best for me. Just a sign, maybe? Just an assurance I'm doing the right thing. Because for now, I'm not even sure if anything i'm thinking of will ever work out for me.

Thinking of it, I've never actually knew what I wanted in life, actually. I've heard people who has already planned out their future right from the start. Since they were young, they already set their mind into something they want to achieve. It's like i want so many things. I just don't know what's right for me at this moment. I just feel like chopping off all my hair just thinking about it. Choices, choices, more choices. Decisions, decisions and more decisions. Dilemma. Gosh. Give me a sign already.

I really envy those people who are really certain in what they want to achieve in life. For me, it seems like i'm leading a life without any goals. Like a go with the flow kind of thing. Maybe I lack in motivation, maybe I just need a little more push. I wished I already knew what I wanted from the very start. Now i see... how important it is to actually plan out what you want in life and your future from the very start. You may be young, but it's not never wrong to plan out your future even at a young age. It's actually a good thing. At least you'll know where you want to end up in life. You'll have a goal. A mindset. A dream to achieve. Unlike me over here, forever stuck in a dilemma. Still struggling to know where my heart really belongs. What a bummer.

I'm just so scared of making a wrong decision. I'm pretty much a very fickle minded person. To almost everything. Could just be picking out a outfit to wear for the day, shopping, even to what kind of drinks or food I want to get. So could you imagine? A tough decision for my future.... and I have to figure this out? It's a big decision, for me. I just don't want anything to be screwed up. Who wants that right? I just want everything to go well, smooth and I end up successful. I don't want to disappoint anyone. Especially my parents. I don't want to let them down. Neither do I want to disappoint myself. That's the worst it could ever get. For now, I only have one thing in my mind. If you asked me, what do I want to be when I grow up... I would say I just want to be happy and of course, successful and if I actually manage to do that, then in my eyes I am already a winner. I guess i'll go back to thinking now, goodbye readers xx