It's 1.26 am right now which means it's already the 13th. I still take it as 12th though. As some of you know, 12th december marks the day of my birthday. As suprising as it is, I'm in tears on the day which is supposed to be a 'happy day' for me. A birthday comes once every year and so, i always want it to be a special one but for some reason this year, things just have to go the opposite way. And for the fact that it's supposed to be my very own "sweet 16th." Turned out to be such a bitter day after all. I'm down, like seriously down. All the negativeness that has been happening around me, i'm just soaking it in instead of pushing it away. I'm letting it affect me. Why? Because i'm weak. I used to be strong, i used to overcome almost everything easily. Things that happened lately just made me loose faith in everything. Mostly, loosing faith in myself. By loosing hope, i'm at the edge ready to fall. Just ever ready to give up. But why should i give up now after where i am now? I've gone through so much, held on for so long so why should i give up everything that i sacrificed for? Is this even worth it?

They say, everything happens for a reason. So tell me, what's that "reason"? I always tell myself yes everything happens for a reason but then again i sit here asking myself, what could that "reason" be? Is there something better out there for me?

I don't know what made me so down but i just am. Maybe i expect too much from people that when they don't do what i expect them to do, i just make myself upset. I don't know, i just feel that there's people out there who never really appreciated what i've done for them. Do you know how much effort it takes just to make someone's day special? Do you know how it feels to be the reason for a smile on someone's else face? Every year, we have our birthdays. When it's my friends birthday, I would do everything for them. I plan suprises, i give them meaningful text. Whose ideas were those suprises? Mine. Who chiped in money to make it work? Me. Who thought of those words to say to them? Me. But then again, when it's my turn, i find myself sitting here just sulking. I'm not asking my friends to do anything special or big for me. But the looks of it........ I can't even HOPE for anything right now. Why should i? All i get is just dissapointments.

I was just really upset one of my closest friends didn't text me a birthday wish. She hasn't talked to me for a long time, i guess? But still, she would have remembered my birthday if she was a true friend. For another friend of mine, didn't text me either. But yet, wished me through facebook. Just a normal wish. Don't you feel that a text is rather more meaningful then a facebook wall post? I mean c'mon.

I'm not saying my friends don't appreciate it, maybe they just didn't realize how much their happiness means to me. How much their happiness makes me happy even if i lie here waiting for that smile to appear on my face magically. I put their happiness in front of mine. Use my time, my effort, my money just to make that ONE DAY of their's to have their time of their life. Even if i came unsucessful, i know i tried my very best. I'm not saying all my friends didn't appreciate it, i know there's a few out there who does, and thank you guys for that <3>

It's 1.26 am right now which means it's already the 13th. I still take it as 12th though. As some of you know, 12th december marks the day of my birthday. As suprising as it is, I'm in tears on the day which is supposed to be a 'happy day' for me. A birthday comes once every year and so, i always want it to be a special one but for some reason this year, things just have to go the opposite way. And for the fact that it's supposed to be my very own "sweet 16th." Turned out to be such a bitter day after all. I'm down, like seriously down. All the negativeness that has been happening around me, i'm just soaking it in instead of pushing it away. I'm letting it affect me. Why? Because i'm weak. I used to be strong, i used to overcome almost everything easily. Things that happened lately just made me loose faith in everything. Mostly, loosing faith in myself. By loosing hope, i'm at the edge ready to fall. Just ever ready to give up. But why should i give up now after where i am now? I've gone through so much, held on for so long so why should i give up everything that i sacrificed for? Is this even worth it?

They say, everything happens for a reason. So tell me, what's that "reason"? I always tell myself yes everything happens for a reason but then again i sit here asking myself, what could that "reason" be? Is there something better out there for me?

I don't know what made me so down but i just am. Maybe i expect too much from people that when they don't do what i expect them to do, i just make myself upset. I don't know, i just feel that there's people out there who never really appreciated what i've done for them. Do you know how much effort it takes just to make someone's day special? Do you know how it feels to be the reason for a smile on someone's else face? Every year, we have our birthdays. When it's my friends birthday, I would do everything for them. I plan suprises, i give them meaningful text. Whose ideas were those suprises? Mine. Who chiped in money to make it work? Me. Who thought of those words to say to them? Me. But then again, when it's my turn, i find myself sitting here just sulking. I'm not asking my friends to do anything special or big for me. But the looks of it........ I can't even HOPE for anything right now. Why should i? All i get is just dissapointments.

I was just really upset one of my closest friends didn't text me a birthday wish. She hasn't talked to me for a long time, i guess? But still, she would have remembered my birthday if she was a true friend. For another friend of mine, didn't text me either. But yet, wished me through facebook. Just a normal wish. Don't you feel that a text is rather more meaningful then a facebook wall post? I mean c'mon.

I'm not saying my friends don't appreciate it, maybe they just didn't realize how much their happiness means to me. How much their happiness makes me happy even if i lie here waiting for that smile to appear on my face magically. I put their happiness in front of mine. Use my time, my effort, my money just to make that ONE DAY of their's to have their time of their life. Even if i came unsucessful, i know i tried my very best. I'm not saying all my friends didn't appreciate it, i know there's a few out there who does, and thank you guys for that <3>